Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Bumper Edition: Fozzie's 'Christmas Tail'

This year the S's say I am old enough to understand the true meaning of Christmas. Apparently it is not just supposed to be about getting presents, eating lots and sleeping. That is a shame because those are my most favorite things to do, and I was looking forward to a week of those things. No, Christmas is about thinking what you can do to help other people and according to Sarah, being good and making some promises to be even more good next year. Syd says that is New Year not Christmas, and that Christmas is about watching telly and not being told what to do. Sarah says she has given my Christmas present money to the RSPCA who look after all the poor dogs who noone takes care of. I think that is good, so I don't mind, but I do hope I at least get a pig's ear for Christmas............Anyway I have put together all the things I have learned about Christmas and this is what I think it is all about.

At Christmas, people send you cards, which you can rip up if you get to them before Sarah does. Then there are some plants. One is a tree, and the other is a sort of spiky green plant with red berries (which are not food) and that Sarah was all excited about when she found it at the garden centre. It is from England and if you put your nose in this plant it hurts a LOT. We put the plants inside the house at Christmas  (not outside - which is weird because plants normally do go outside, so that you can wee on them).  Next there is shopping for presents. Shopping. That is boring. No more to say about that. BUT the presents go in stockings which are big socks and I LOVE to eat socks. I have asked Santa just to bring me a stocking this year, without any presents.

Even better than all this, there is special Christmas food which luckily includes my favourite thing - SAUSAGES! There are sausage rolls, pigs in blankets, and pig legs, and turkey. Except we don't have turkey because it is too big, and there are only 3 of us, so we have to have chicken. I told Sarah that I would definitely be able to get through a whole turkey, but she didn't listen to me. You know, she says I don't listen to her, but really, she doesn't listen to me. I am always making really good suggestions like this one, but she ignores them. Syd says he knows how I feel...........

We start eating Christmas food even before Christmas in our family. We have already started on mince pies, and last weekend the S's spent all day eating with the other humans in the family. No dogs were invited at all which was very unfair although they did bring back some food and presents for me, so although I was building up to do a BIG sulk, I had to forgive them. There are 2 new baby humans in our family now, one is Theodore and this is his first Christmas.  The newest one is Sonny, but he is brand new and he is too small to know about Christmas yet. I am glad to see that the babies have to put up with the same hassles as the dogs and that their mums dress them up for Christmas too. Check this elf out.....I shall have to give Theodore some tips on how to avoid this sort of thing.

Anyway, where was I ? Oh yes, so there are also some special Christmas people who come  to visit - Santa is one of them.  He came last year, but he was really Syd. But also there is Scrooge, and Jesus, and 'Three Wise Men'. I think that Scrooge is a bit like Sarah - he spoils people's fun from what I have heard. And I am not sure about what Jesus does, but he is a baby so he probably doesn't do much. Maybe he dresses up as an elf? Most babies that I have seen are not interesting anyway, but once, there was this baby eating a croissant in his pram, which was at exactly the same height as me so I could taste it, that was good until his mum saw me...... Note that there are no 'Wise Women' only 'Wise Men'. That sounds about right to me.

Other things you do is 'be festive'. Being festive means you drink wine, and other drinks that you only get out at Christmas that make you go silly. The S's  (particularly one of them) are often 'festive', even when it's not Christmas...... And you see all your friends and you don't go to work. I don't go to work anyway, so it makes no difference to me, but the S's get very excited about this. There is Christmas music too, which Sarah keeps playing, even in the car, which all sounds the same and hurts your ears (a bit like Kylie Minogue hurts your ears). Also, you think about all your friends and family who you can't see because they are far away (and if they live in England, you phone them and remind them that it is a very pleasant 28 degrees in Australia even though it's December, and, you also mention cricket but you only mention cricket if Australia are winning, otherwise you keep quiet....)

Then after all of that - there is New Year. This is my least favourite bit, because all the good food has been finished, and they have scary fireworks, very loud and bangy. Especially in Sydney. They go on for hours and even if you hide under the bed you can still hear them. You might remember, I broke my leg last time it was New Year because I was very scared and I fell down the stairs. So this year we will be spending New Year in the country and Syd says there won't be any fireworks to scare me, so that will be very good.

One last thing; the S's make you dress up at Christmas. They put hats on you, or antlers, or stripy jumpers. Look at what they made me wear this year........ I was not impressed. They thought this was funny, but I did not. This is called 'The Nativity';  and there was supposed to be a sheep and a donkey in the photo with us, but we don't know any sheeps or donkeys. I wanted to involve the wombat who lives in our garden but he wasn't available so the S's used all my toys instead who were; a pig, a fly and a rabbit. It was not MY idea to do this - but you don't have a choice with the S's as your humans.

 So, I hope you all have a very good Christmas, with turkey (not chicken), pigs in blankets, pigs legs, pigs ears and presents and that your humans don't dress you up as an elf, or a fairy, or put a towel on your head, and I wish all the dogs a Happy and non-scary New Year, with no fireworks and no fleas: this can be an itchy time of year for us hairy ones. (And a tip: If your humans try to make you do a 'resolution' and promise to be good in 2011, just nod and say yes, but keep your paws crossed because then it doesn't really count and you don't have to do it.....)

Before I sign off for the year, I want to say a big big thank you to Sharon. Sharon is my new lady friend. She works with Sarah and she likes dogs (doesn't everyone?) and she made a special picture of me for Sarah! AND she gave me all her old tennis balls that she didn't want any more. I have mostly put them all in the harbour, I like to do that as it annoys Sarah, because she can't get them and I won't fetch them out again. Great fun! I would like to maybe swap Sarah for Sharon....her name begins with 'S' too, so I am sure Syd wouldn't even notice......mmmm I might put that on my Christmas list. ' Dear Santa, please bring me a new 'S' for Christmas..... ha!' That might teach her that a dog does not like to get 'feedback' or have a 'year end appraisal' or any of her other nonsense......

 I went to Sarah's work this week, I don't know why she complains about going there, it was great. There was a swimming pool, and tennis courts, and noone was doing any work at all. Sarah's friends came to admire me, and said I was a very good dog (it is only Sarah who thinks I am NOT a good dog) and we had cake. I had a lot of cake. Sharon was there and also there was Jacqui who I met once before when I was a baby. She is very nice, but between you and me, I think Jacqui should stop eating quite so much cake.... I am a gentleman so I didn't say anything to her of course.

Here is everyone. Eating cake! And doing NO work. I shall never believe Sarah again when she says she is 'busy'. Pah.
Here is Sharon, and that is Jacqui above (you see what I mean about eating a little bit too much cake)? You can tell Sarah took that photo by the way, because her FINGER is over the lens.....women.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone, and thanks for reading my 'tails' this year. See you all in 2011.
Love from FozzieFurBaby.
ps these last photos are not baby Jesus, but Sonny, just in case you were wondering. 


  1. Merry christmas and best wishes for a great new year - your plan to spend it in the country is a good idea, considering last year.

    Love your posts and look forward to reading more in 2011.

    See you soon,
    Ruby and Gracie

  2. What a great post, Fozzie! I don't like fireworks any better than you do.
    Have a wonderful holiday!

    Love ya lots,
    Maggie and Mitch