I have decided I should like to go and live somewhere else. Somewhere perhaps where there is NO Sarah. I am fed up of all the bad things she keeps doing to me. Today was the worst yet. Someone needs to stop her. You tell me if you think a dog should have to tolerate this stuff..........
First this morning, I was minding my own business, having a post walk pigsear, and I got HOSEPIPED. It is very hot this week, and I have had to cool off in the harbour every time we have been on a walk. This means when we get home I get HOSEPIPED in the back garden. I have already told you how I don't like this. The water is too cold, it is too wet, and it makes me very angry. I have to run laps round the table and bark and roll around in the leaves to dry off. She shouldn't do it.
After that, I was having a snooze in the hall and she walked past with some treats. Good I thought, I am due some treats. But as I was enjoying the snack she whipped out that nasty stuff she drips onto my neck. It is cold and it smells and I don't like it. She does this every 2 weeks. It is TOO MUCH. Again I had to run round outside and rub up and down the fence to try and get it off. It won't come off. You are probably thinking, 'poor Fozzie, that is terrible' but wait, there is MORE.
So you see, I am in need of a new home. If you know anyone who wants an Airedale with his hair shorter on one side, with a greasy neck, and a bald patch on his leg......let me know because I am their man.