Hair everywhere

I have decided I should like to go and live somewhere else. Somewhere perhaps where there is NO Sarah. I am fed up of all the bad things she keeps doing to me. Today was the worst yet. Someone needs to stop her. You tell me if you think a dog should have to tolerate this stuff..........

First this morning, I was minding my own business, having a post walk pigsear, and I got HOSEPIPED.  It is very hot this week, and I have had to cool off in the harbour every time we have been on a walk. This means when we get home I get HOSEPIPED in the back garden. I have already told you how I don't like this. The water is too cold, it is too wet, and it makes me very angry. I have to run laps round the table and bark and roll around in the leaves to dry off. She shouldn't do it.

After that, I was having a snooze in the hall and she walked past with some treats. Good I thought, I am due some treats. But as I was enjoying the snack she whipped out that nasty stuff she drips onto my neck. It is cold and it smells and I don't like it. She does this every 2 weeks. It is TOO MUCH. Again I had to run round outside and rub up and down the fence to try and get it off. It won't come off. You are probably thinking, 'poor Fozzie, that is terrible' but wait, there is MORE.

Next thing I see her messing around with a new toy that Syd brought home the other day. It is called 'clippers'. Yes, you guessed it! Not content with wetting me, and putting potions on me, she has now taken it upon herself to CUT MY FUR OFF. I did not give her permission to mess with my hair. What a liberty!  Normally the groomers do this sort of thing, and that is bad enough, but a dog doesn't expect it to happen in his own home! She is a total amateur as well; she kept getting the clippers stuck in my fur. Anyway I had to submit, so I just lay on my side, with my depressed face on. You know the one. I lay there for a long time and wouldn't roll over. So now one side of my fur is a little bit longer than the other. And as for my face! She has removed my beard. I liked that beard. It was hairy and long and I could save bits of food in it.

Ok now surely that was enough for one day? NO IT WAS NOT! After I had been ignoring her very hard, for about 2 hours, she told me we were going for a ride in the car. I thought maybe we were going to get Syd, perhaps to go on holiday, but do you know where she took me? THE VETS. I went there yesterday! You should not go to the vets twice in 2 days. Yesterday they  made a bald patch on my leg, and stole some of my blood. And today, even though it was my favourite lady vet who I like to see, I was very cross because they put needles in my neck. Vaccinations they said it was. No amount of treats and rubbing will make up for that!

So you see, I am in need of a new home. If you know anyone who wants an Airedale with his hair shorter on one side, with a greasy neck, and a bald patch on his leg......let me know because I am their man.


Grrrrrrrrr.