Thursday, January 28, 2010

Inside out ears and other freaky stuff

Note: The following photos are PRE-HAIRCUT. I am still not ready to brave the world and show you my new look following the 'hairdorama'....

Something is going on with my ears. They have taken on a life of their own. Have a look and you'll see what I mean....


Monday, January 25, 2010

Australia Day Haircut

Happy Australia Day everyone. Syd and Sarah wanted to put up a photo of me in my full Aussie regalia today: vest, hat, flag, stubby holder etc but I have imposed a temporary ban on photo opportunities. This is because I have had a rather radical haircut. It is Sarah's fault. Here is a pre-haircut photo of me for now.

The S's took me to the nice lady who did my hair last time. They asked her to clip me because I was too hot and itchy. I distinctly heard Sarah say 'You don't need to do the Airedale cut, we just want him to be more comfortable in the heat'. Oh yes, and she said I should have my claws trimmed, and ears cleaned. She is so bossy. She does the same to Syd when he goes for his haircut. 'Get your nose hair and ears trimmed' she says. He rolls his eyes and we exchange knowing looks when she is giving orders. Then we both shake our heads and say 'Women' (silently).

So, they left me in the waiting room with a bald pug (scary) and a very fluffy sheepdog (hairy) and disappeared for TWO HOURS. The groomers is a bit like the vets. You go there. They do things to you. Then the S's come back and give money and take you home again. They don't have to give as much money to the groomers as they do to the vet which I think is strange because it takes 5 minutes to see the vet and HOURS are spent at the groomers..... Anyway, I digress. Back to my haircut.

Two hours is an eternity in doggy time. Lots of things can happen. Much fur can be lost. I did not want my claws trimmed, by the way. They are useful for digging holes in the front garden. As usual though, no-one asked my opinion. I would have told them that, AND I would have told them that you are not supposed to clip Airedales.

It is hard to explain what I look like now. I am sort of bald all over - I had a 'number 10' cut apparently. Everything has gone apart from my hair on top of my head and on my tail. Sarah has not stopped laughing since they picked me up. She said 'we mustn't laugh, it will hurt his feelings'. Then she started laughing again. These are some of the rude things she has said:

'He looks like he's wearing a ginger toupee'.

'He looks like a lion with a perm'.

'He looks like a 'Bedlington terrier'.

'He looks like a nanna who's just taken her curlers out'.

Syd has stared at me a lot but he has not been so rude. He did say 'He looks like George Castanza's dad from Seinfeld'. I don't know if that is good or bad. Later he said I looked like 'Skeletor' because all my eye fur has gone, but my cheeks are still furry.

So photos are banned until I get some doggy opinions on my new 'look'. I will know how bad it really is when I see Ruby and Gracie tomorrow- they will tell me straight.

This explains why there is no Aussie Fozzie photo today.

Here is another pre-haircut photo of me in the countryside in Kangaroo Valley. The S's took me there for the weekend and I spent 3 days looking for Kangaroos but I didn't see a single one. It was very tiring as you can see. Oh yes, I did find a new type of poo to eat - wombat poo. It is a strange shape - but it tastes quite good. I would like to meet a wombat so I can ask him how he makes his poo square.

ps I thought I would let you know that Sarah drank too much wine last night. She has been so rude to me that I think it's only fair that I get my own back. They had a bbq here last night with their friends. They had steak and sausages but I did not get ANYTHING (apart from one piece of steak that was so small I could hardly see it). I spent all evening guarding the BBQ from Bodger who was sitting on his roof watching everything. I wasn't going to let HIM snag a snag when I wasn't allowed one. You can see his evil eyes glinting in the moonlight....

For any non-Aussies amongst my readers, Syd says I should explain the following:

Stubby holder = a beer holder (they taste bad)

Snag = a sausage (they taste REALLY good. If you can get one.)

Friday, January 15, 2010


Today I had a bath. I have been avoiding baths due to the chicken leg, but today Sarah said I STANK, and because it was such a hot day, a bath could be postponed no longer. Yes, I did stink. But I liked it that way.

Well, the indignity of it. I was taken outside in the yard and soaped up thoroughly with my new 'fleabite' shampoo (to stop me scratching, said Sarah). Look at my face - you'd think they would realise I was NOT HAPPY. Isn't it obvious?

To add to the humiliation, Bodger the Dodger was watching the whole thing. I gave him my hardest stare and I tried to escape but I was totally helpless and could not get away. I tried going backwards, forwards and sideways, but there was no way out. Syd 'the bouncer' was standing there with his arms folded, blocking the door to prevent me getting back in the house. If they are going to bath me, then I should have privacy at least. I don't want cats laughing at me whilst I am all soapy in the back yard. It is most undignified and against the rules. I may laugh at cats; cats may NOT laugh at me. I did a grumble in my throat but they just ignored me.

Then even worse than the soaping - came the rinsing. Do you know what they did? They actually rinsed me with the green garden snake. That green garden snake is for watering plants and squirting stuff. It's not to be used on ME! How would they like it? Being hosed down like poo being washed off the deck! I think they have forgotten who I am. I had to submit, but I stood there thinking evil thoughts and planning my revenge (and doing grumbles in my throat).

Look, here is Bodger! Syd finally got a picture of him. (He is quite fat). He was running away, and who could blame him after he'd seen what they had been doing to me. He probably thought he was next in line for a soaping.

After my bath I was 'towelled'. I don't like being 'towelled'. I struggle and fight and shake myself really hard but Sarah persists with the rubbing. Eventually I got away and took the towel with me so she couldn't do it anymore.

Now I smell of LEMONS, which Sarah says is very nice. But it's not very nice and it's not right for dogs to smell like fruit. When Syd sorts it out, I will post my first video appearance for you to see exactly what I do post-bath. I was VERY CROSS. I rolled around in all the leaves and sticks I could find, and I decided I would try to make the fence smell of lemons instead of me. I hope this will make the S's realise it's just not worth bathing me. I will always do my utmost to get stinky again, so they are wasting their time.

They gave me a bone and some biscuits after my bath and asked for my forgiveness. I will not forgive them till they BEG ME to. They will have to do better than that. I want a jumbo pot of peanut butter, at least. I rubbed my face all over my bone anyway, so at least my beard doesn't smell lemony any more, and I felt a bit like a proper dog again.

One more thing happened to make me feel just a little bit happier after the bath. Because I am now allowed to go for 5 minute walks to help the chicken leg get better, we walked down to the park so that I could dry off. Anyway, I was just minding my own business (still thinking evil thoughts) when a lady in a car stopped and shouted to Sarah. She said 'Is THAT an Airedale'? ('THAT'? How rude!) Sarah said yes, I was an Airedale baby and the lady said 'He is beautiful, he's the most gorgeous dog'. Did you get that? 'Gorgeous and beautful', she said I was. The lady said that she wanted an Airedale too, and she asked if I was a good dog. Sarah said I was a good dog (of course I am) but a bit stubborn (I am NOT stubborn).

Anyway I felt quite pleased but didn't show it. I just sat there, looking gorgeous and beautiful (very easy for me) and pretending not to listen, whilst the Humans talked about me. The only bad thing was that afterwards Sarah said; 'See Fozzie, that was because you had a bath - you are stopping traffic now'. Hmmm I don't think me being all fluffy and smelling of lemons was why the lady stopped. She just saw my natural Airedale Terrier handsomeness of course, (which, as all Airedales know, is only improved by getting stinky.) I hope this does not make Sarah think I should have MORE baths? That will be VERY BAD INDEED.

To help everyone avoid baths, this is what you need to watch out for.....the 'bathtime equipment'. If you see the washing up bowl, the green garden snake and the towel all together, and your Humans start circling you, then you know there's trouble in store..... Next time I spy these instruments of torture I am going to 'make like Bodger' and RUN AWAY as fast as I can!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Sarah says I have to 'come clean' and also go next door and apologise to 'The Bodge'. OK then - I'll admit it; the cat in that picture was not Bodger. But I got you all going didn't I?! Pretty funny eh? And one of the first things my mum Ruby taught me was that it's always OK to make fun of cats, I've got heaps of 'cat jokes' if you want to hear any? The real Bodger is too fast for me to actually get a photo of him; he's a furry blur. Bodger the Dodger I call him. He is white though, and he's big and has a mean face. And a 'skulking demeanour'.....I definitely wouldn't trust him. I heard him getting told off at his human's bbq for stealing a sausage.

Whilst I'm confessing things, I'll let you know another secret. Those humans in the pictures I've been showing you are not really Sarah and Syd. I guess I'd better put up a photo of the real S's too....

Right I feel better now I've got that off my chest. Confession is good for the soul. (Yes Sarah I did chew your brown flipflops, and that skirt you are wearing today makes you look fat. Oooh noooo, stop, I can't stop confessing things now I've started; I'd better go quick). I'll leave you with a picture of the real me.

Much more photogenic than the S's aren't I? They're lucky I let them hang out with me.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Feeling down

This week, I am quite sad. Sarah thinks I have depression as well as a chicken leg and a not-completely-black nose. If I do, it's entirely 'bucket related'. I am still forced into the offending plastic at nights and when the humans are at work. It is an outrage. A funny thing happened this morning though, Sarah put on the bucket the WRONG WAY ROUND! I looked as though I was stuck up a drainpipe. I gave her a very hard stare, but she didn't even notice it was back to front, until Syd pointed it out. Women, honestly. Thank goodness for my man human.

Also would you believe that Bodger the cat from next door has taken to sitting on my front door step? This is the worst outrage of all. I don't mind cats, but I do mind who sits on my step. He is 'taking advantage' Sarah says, because I cannot go outside. He'd better watch his step though (ha!) because I will be reclaiming my territory very soon. He has been warned....

There have been two happy things this week though, both involving ladies.

My friend Victoria came round to visit- she is nice. Even better than Victoria though was the great big pig leg she brought with her. I could not stop wagging my tail and sniffed so hard I got a headache. I was very excited. I have had pigs' ears before - they are my favourite. But never a pig leg! It was a Christmas pig leg that she couldn't eat so she shared it with me and the humans. Actually I think she got a bad deal, as all she got from Sarah was an 'OK' magazine in return for a whole leg, and they taste rubbish. I like Victoria even more now! Sarah could learn a few things from her.....

The second good lady thing was that Carolyn, my babysitter came back. I did not see her over Christmas; I had to put up with 'the S's' and I missed her a lot. Carolyn usually takes me off in a van and I go for walks with some other doggy friends. This time though she just came to visit me. She was sad to see what S and S had done to me (I told her it was all their fault). She gave me a lot of love and treats. I hope she comes back again every day. I am sure I can persuade her to liberate me from THE BUCKET and maybe get that pig leg out of the freezer....?

If any more ladies are planning on coming round to visit this week, can they please wear shorts? I am missing following girls in shorts since I am not having my walks at the moment. If legs in shorts could come to see me, that would be very good and would help my recovery. I asked Syd for some photos of ladies in shorts to go on my blog but he said no, he would get into trouble. Here's a photo of Syd in shorts, but it's not really the same.....

Friday, January 8, 2010

Strange goings on

Some funny business has been happening around here. Maybe it's because I stayed up all night muttering under my breath about this plastic bucket, and didn't get much sleep. Or maybe it was a dream.....but I DID see the Tooth Fairy last night.

Two things are strange about this Tooth Fairy...... The first thing is that he didn't leave me anything. I am supposed to get a present for my tooth. That's what Sarah told me. But this hairy fairy just went in the kitchen, had a drink and went away again.

The second strange thing was that the Tooth Fairy LOOKED LIKE SYD.
This is very strange because, at Christmas, when Santa came - he LOOKED LIKE SYD too. Santa also came downstairs in the night, had a drink, and went away again. But at least he left me some presents.

Now I am Syd the Tooth Fairy? Is Santa a Fairy? Is Syd Santa and a Fairy? Are all fairies hairy? And where is my present?

If anyone knows the answers to these questions please let me know. It is all very confusing and I think I need a bit more sleep.....
PS I am still not speaking to Sarah and Syd - it is for their own good, they have to learn.


Two things happened today. First, I lost a baby tooth. I am gettng my 'big boy teeth' now! Syd says that means I have to stop biting everyone. My teeth are sore though, I have to chew on something, and humans have tasty arms. Anyway Sarah is saving my tooth - she says the 'tooth fairy' might come tonight. He'd better not come near me; I'll bite him.

Secondly, I went to visit the vet today. I like it there. Everyone knows me and I am quite famous. I especially like all the nurses..... and the free treats. Anyway, the vet took away my blue leg! Underneath my blue leg is a bald chicken leg. All my fur had been shaved away, it was quite a shock to see it. It doesn't look very nice. I have 6 stitches too. Anyway it hurts more now and I am a bit sad. I still can't go for any walks and I don't like to put this skinny new chicken leg of mine on the floor in case it snaps, so I hold it up in the air. It is very tiring.

The WORST thing that happened though, was that at bedtime, I had to sleep with a plastic bucket on my head. The humans said it was to stop me licking my chicken leg. They have gone too far this time. I am NOT HAPPY AT ALL. It is bad enough to have a blue leg, no walks, no playing with friends, and NO FUN. But this is the worst dressing up they've EVER done to me. I am not speaking to them. I know they feel guilty because they keep giving me treats. But it is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

And how am I going to bite that tooth fairy with a plastic bucket on my head....? I am not allowing any photos of this degradation, so you'll just have to imagine it.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Things I like.....

Really I like most things but here are a few of my most favourite:

1. Carrots - I don't know why, I just do. In fact I have not yet discovered a food I don't like. I found a new food today - smoked salmon. I 'borrowed' some sandwiches off the kitchen counter, and they were good.

2. Syd - He is my man human. He does not nag as much as Sarah, and sometimes gets distracted when football is on TV which means he doesn't notice me doing naughty things. We stay up late together when he falls asleep on the couch and forgets to go to bed.

3. Tayla - she is a baby human, and is my neighbour. She is small like me, so we see 'eye to eye'. Sometimes she pats me nicely and other times she smacks me - I don't think she knows the difference. I still like her though; she makes her big humans clean up her poo too - I respect that!

Things I don't really like

I am not scared of much, me being a 'King of Terriers'. But here are a few things I don't really like:

1.Dogs who don't is Kuro; he is sort of my friend but he got very cross when I tried to share his snacks. He got put in the garage at his own house for growling at me!

2. Swimming. I don't get it. Why does everyone want to go in the water when you can dig in the sand? There is no picture of me swimming - cos I won't do it!!

3. Those 2 growly dogs at the big house on the corner who scratched my nose. I was only peering at them through a crack in the fence, and now look at the state of my poor snozzel! They scraped all the black off one side with their claws. Sarah says she's going to put boot polish on it if it doesn't go black again. I don't think so lady! I will just grow my moustache a bit longer to hide it. Apparently between my nose and my leg I have been 'in the wars'. I won't walk past their house any more, I make Sarah cross the road.

4. Broken legs.....its sooo BORING not being able to play or go for walks. I can't go upstairs and can't stand on 2 legs - which I'm really good at. Syd says he'd love to hang round the house all day like I do, and that I am lucky. It's true, I am catching up on my naps. And today I had 2 visitors. Ruby's other human, Neil came round and I tested my teeth on him, and made him bleed (oops) and Jack from across the road also came to see me - he is 81 today - imagine being that OLD. I bet he likes naps too.

Fleas - grrrrrr

A word or two about fleas. I HATE them. In my short life, they have already visited me 3 times, and they drive me CRAZY.

This is how I look when I have fleas....NOT happy.

The humans are always putting potions on me - I hate that too. I roll around and try and rub them off. Then there are the baths. They SUCK. The baths involve standing in a washing up bowl, rubber gloves, water getting in my face, and it's just all so undignified. I go all skinny when I am wet - apparently humans find that very funny. Then I go fluffy after I am dried. Also funny, according to them. Well, I don't think so. After every bath I do my best to get smelly again as soon as possible! Ha ha- that shows them!

This is how I look when my fleas have gone - believe it or not, this is my happy face....celebrating! If anyone has any tips on how to avoid baths and potions, please let me know. Mmm, I feel another petition coming on.....The best thing about this broken leg is that they can't bath me with my leg in plaster - woohoo!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

My Friends

I thought you might like to see my friends.

Here is Oscar - he is a spaniel. We love to chase each other until we both collapse in a heap. I never catch him. (He is a bit mad; once I saw him dive headfirst into a canal!)

This is my sister Gracie (she is the hairier one on the right...I don't think a girl should be that hairy do you?) Mostly, she chases me ( to get my bones.)

Here is Finn. She has a sister Griff who is a bit grumpy and won't play with me. They are both 'older ladies' but I don't mind that, and Finn lets me pull her hair out (also quite a hairy lady, you can see), ride on her back and shares her snacks with me. She is very patient.

I am very excited to find I have some new friends who are followng my blog! They visited from my mum Ruby's blog! It is good to make new friends like this, since I cannot go for walks at the moment. I still haven't told Syd and Sarah how I broke my leg. They are guessing it involves stairs and running too fast, but I won't tell! The stairs are now 'out of bounds' for me apparently.

Monday, January 4, 2010

My Doggy Family

I have told you about my humans - but here is my real family. The 'First Family' we call ourselves. This is my mum Ruby (with her human Kay) and my sister Gracie, and my brother Ringo. Of course you can see I am the most handsome.

I play with Gracie quite often, she comes around and steals my bones and puts her fluffy feet in my water bowl. Is that a girl thing I wonder?

I have some doggy neighbours too - this is Finn who lives next door (with her human Gordon.) These humans are everywhere, saying 'No'. Sometimes you need to show them who's boss.....

Dressing up

To give you an idea of how life is with these people, take a look at what they've been doing to me since I moved in.

First, my Hallowe'en outfit. I look ridiculous.

Next the Christmas ensemble. Handsome of course, but still....ridiculous.

I think you'll agree, I look much better 'au naturel.'
I will be starting a petition soon; 'Dogs against humans dressing them up'. I hope I can rely on your support......

My Christmas Holidays

I went on my first holiday over Christmas. We went to Barrington Tops and stayed in a cabin. I had to squash in the back of the mini with all my luggage (Syd really needs a bigger car!) It rained a lot but it was still good. I met some new and strange animals up there. It's not like Sydney at all - there were animals bouncier than me (who make poos that you can eat!) and animals that snorted on me (I snorted back) and these funny birds that made eggs for breakfast - amazing! The worst bit was that the dog in the next cabin, Scooner, was a bit too friendly towards me (if you know what I mean). My humans had to rescue me from him, because he kept coming round and sitting on me. I was not keen on that. Anyway, there was another nice dog there called Jessie who was my friend - I wanted to sit on her, but her humans wouldn't let me.

I have learned that humans are there mostly to stop you having fun. They say 'no' a lot. (No, don't eat poo Fozzie, No, don't chase chickens Fozzie etc). It got a bit tedious. The best part of the holiday was going to the beach on the way home. Although the humans tried to trick me into the water I pretended to be deaf (a new trick I picked up recently). I had great fun chasing other dogs and digging a huge hole. I slept all the way home after that.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

My Humans

Thought I better show you the humans.
This is Sarah, showing her best side and here is Syd (trying to look like me). I make sure I am in all photos these days, because of course it's MY blog, it's all about ME!!

My New Year's Resolutions

My first New Year's resolution is to be more careful. My big New Year news is that I started the year by breaking my leg. Can you believe my bad luck? I have not told the humans what I was doing, because they are making a huge fuss already. I might have been stair surfing whilst they were out though....

Anyway I have been quite brave, though I say so myself. I have been seen by 3 different vets, and had a pin put in my leg. I am pretty tough eh? I am not happy about having my leg in a stupid bandage thing though. And apparently I won't be allowed to the park or to play with friends for FOUR WEEKS! I have been practicing running on 3 legs and am getting good, though Sarah keeps trying to stop me.

Happy New Year and welcome to my Blog!

Hello everyone

It's Fozzie here with my first blog entry. I thought it would be good to start a blog in 2010, to let you all know what I've been up to, and to have a place where my humans can post all those photos and videos they keep taking of me. It's quite tiring being a celebrity, and actually I am not sure why they call Christmas a 'holiday'. It was no holiday for me - they (the humans) were there all the time, I couldn't get rid of them. I missed out on quite a few of my naps thanks to them. Anyway they are back at work now so I will be catching up no some rest.

My humans are Syd and Sarah. I'll put some photos of them in later, as I'm sure you're all more interested in me than in them!

Here's a photo of me when I was just 4 weeks old, so you can see what a handsome boy I am.