Monday, April 4, 2011

Fozzie Stats

Remember how I had an end of year review once? Well, Sarah has apparently been 'compiling my stats', whatever that means. It is review time again. I don't think everyone really needs to know all this stuff about me, but here they are.
Me and Ringo eating carrots

No of leg related injuries = 3(1 broken leg and 2 x grass seeds in toes, both requiring surgery)
No of times weed on a lady =2 (both times lady was wearing long skirt, easily mistaken for lampost)
No of times weed on a man = 1 (not at same time as lady)
No of times stolen food from strangers = 4 (lamington incident, croissant from baby in pram, broccoli from lady's shopping bag and putting of face in little girl's birthday cake in park)
Best thing stolen from S's =  a pack of strawberry shortbread sent all the way from Scotland
No of time tunneled under fence into Bodger's yard= 2 (that the S's are aware of.....)
No of gardening gloves eaten = 'we have lost count'
No of wombats and ducks chased = not nearly enough!
No of carrots stolen from garden = enough
No of bald men's heads licked whilst they were mending the washing machine = 1
No of Christmas cakes eaten = 1
No of times vomiting induced by the vet after a whole Christmas cake had been eaten = 1
(That was terrible actually, I will never, ever steal another Christmas cake I promise)

Me at my Saturday job
Ok I think that is enough!! I have been compiling my own stats on the S's, also interesting reading;

No of times gone on holiday without Fozzie =3, yes that is right THREE!
No of bottles of wine consumed per week= MANY
% of time spent moaning about builders= 80
% of time spent moaning about other things = 20
No of times told Sarah he had sushi for lunch but really had chicken burger and chips= 3

Right Syd says I have to stop there; I was just getting warmed up!

I used to have a report book filled in by Angie Paws - I got stars if I was good and no stars if I was bad. There were a lot of days with stars. But quite a few with no stars at all........ Anyway what the S's say is bad (trying to get Bodger by tunnelling into his garden) another person might think is totally fine. And what the S thinks is good (gardening and going round in circles on Tractor all day) someone else might think is the most stupid thing ever. Talking of Bodger, I got in trouble yesterday because of HIM. I was just coming home from my walk and I spied him under a car outside our house - I spied him before Sarah and I took off without telling her and then there was a lot of screeching and Syd had to come and help because I was wedged under the car. The bad news was that the fiend escaped. Sarah says her arm was nearly dislocated. I had to go in the house and sit in the corner and think about what I had done. I nearly had him, it was sooooo close.

Me leading my pack
Anyway back to my stats, I don't think it is right to judge dogs like this. I say, live and let live, which translated into Airedale talk means don't harrass your dog when he's just doing what comes naturally to him (chasing cats, eating unmentionables found in the park, sitting on your newly made bed with his bone which is not supposed to come into the house - actually I am not sure if they knew about that one, anyway never mind let's talk about something else now).

Me helping an old person around the park
 Check this out - this is moi on a label which was on a lot of bottles of wine the S's bought for Christmas. Apart from that silly hat I look rather cool. This is a good idea  - it is Goodwill wine - and it means you can buy wine for your friends and some money gets sent to charity. We supported Airenet this way which is a charity that helps Airedales to find new homes ( I might check that out actually....) Of course Sarah likes that idea becuse it means she can drink a lot more wine and 'do good' at the same time. She's not fooling me.....

Famous me!

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