Out of bounds......

There are quite a few places where I am 'not allowed to go'.


First there is 'upstairs'. Ever since I hurt my leg I am not supposed to go there. But I do.

Then there is 'the sofa'.  I must not go on there at all, as it is forbidden. It is doubly forbidden to climb up the sofa and sit on the back of it. The sofa is brown, like my bed so you can understand how I might get confused and end up there when I am a little bit tired.  The sofa is soft and comfy, and if it's nighttime and the S's are not sitting on there, I sometimes give it a little try. 

Also there is 'the big brown chair'. This is my favourite because it is 1. upstairs, and 2. brown and comfy and soft.  Guess what - I am not allowed on here either. Here is me, contemplating the fact that I shouldn't sit on the big brown chair.

Finally there is 'Syd and Sarah's bed'. I am definitely never allowed on there....... as you can see. The best way to get on there is to wait till the the weekends. The S's don't get up at the proper time on these days so I do my crying noise from 6 am (proper getting up time) and after I have been through my whole repertoire of sad-sounding noises, they feel guilty and sometimes let me upstairs (just so they can be lazy and NOT get up).

If they do, then I take advantage of that moment of weakness and I am ON THAT BED quicker than you can say 'No Fozzie'. Once I am on there, I don't get off. I sit on them, I chew parts of them that are sticking out of the bed (usually arms) and I eat their books or any other rubbish I might find there. Sometimes I just put my paws on their faces whilst they are snoozing. This wakes them up very quickly, as my paws are very scratchy.

Isn't it strange that all things I am not allowed to sit on are brown? It is very confusing, because my night time bed is brown, and so is my day bed (I need a lot of sleep) and I AM allowed on both of these things, in fact I am positively encouraged to sit on them.  Sometimes when the S's see me in the wrong place, they get a bit cross. Especially if I've just had a big drink of my water before I get on, and my beard is a bit wet and drippy. Although, at other times, they say, 'ahhhh look at Fozzie', and they let me stay. They are very inconsistent - also confusing for a dog. I try my hardest to look fast asleep when I'm in these 'out of bounds' areas and quite often I get away with it!







One more place is 'in the front seat of the car. I must not go there, so I usually stay in the back. Unless I feel like going in the front of course.

Everywhere else I can go. Except for 'in plant pots'. That is not allowed. Actually there are no plants left in any of the plant pots now, so I don't know why I can't go in there.....

Skyping

This weekend I have been doing 'skyping'. Skyping is when you sit on the bed (you are allowed) and you look at the computer, and people from England look at you. You look at them and they look at you, and they talk a bit and wave. It is a bit boring, but the S's like it.  Syd likes it a lot because it is free.

The people they look at are some very important older people called Pat and Bruce. I think they look quite nice - actually they look like the sort of people who might give you a lot of treats for not doing very much (especially Pat). I am hoping they come to see my one day - I think they should because they are always moaning about the weather in England. Anyway, when we do 'skyping' I try hard to look like I am interested in their new conservatory (what is that anyway?), but I am not really, and often I nod off for a bit as it is quite late. This is Bruce last time he came to Australia.....I think he looks like good fun.....he has chicken legs a bit like me though. Sometimes he is wearing pyjamas when we do skyping and sometimes we are wearing our pyjamas. It seems to me they are a bit 'upside down' over there, always doing things at the wrong time.

 

And here is Pat with Sarah - Syd says ' this is where she gets it from'.
 

I have to go now because it is bed time, and actually I have been a little bit naughty today. Well, I have been a little bit naughty every day this week and I have to go and 'think about what I did'. I am practicing 'looking remorseful'. It is hard. My face doesn't want to look sorry. Anyway, I will tell you about it another time. Mmmmmm,  I might have a little nightcap before I go to bed. Good night.

Easter holidays

We had a new holiday recently - it was called Easter. I don't really understand this holiday. It is all about chocolate, but neither Syd or I are allowed to have any chocolate so I don't see the point of it. I am not allowed because 'it is bad for dogs'. And Syd is not allowed chocolate because..... Sarah says so. That's not a good reason is it?  Syd does have chocolate though and he tells Sarah to shut up about it, which I think is good! SHE had chocolate (and wine, as usual).

Anyway, I think that Easter is quite a rubbish holiday. Syd said there would be rabbits but there were NO RABBITS. Christmas was much better. Soon there will be some more holidays coming up like Anzac day. This is a special holiday in Australia to do with biscuits so that sounds a bit better. (Although this biscuit looks like one that Sarah might have made.....).

Then there is the Queen's birthday. Even though there is no Queen here, in Australia we have a special party for her. That's nice of us isn't it? I hope the Queen enjoys this year's party more than last year's.....

Anyway, all holidays in Australia = barbeques which = sausages which = good.

My most interesting news, apart from holidays, is that I am learning to swim. I did a lot of learning to swim at Easter. To learn to swim I have to go paddling quite often in the harbour. I love it in the harbour. It STINKS!  Especially on hot days. It smells really bad! There are dead fish floating around and old bits of rubbish, and also other dogs doing swimming. I have not done swimming properly yet; apart from once when Syd pushed me in too far. I had no choice then  - I had to do swimming with my head under water  and my eyes shut, and after I got out I did not speak to Syd for a long time. Sarah did not speak to him either.

I am thinking about doing swimming. Each time I go in just a little bit deeper. I go right up to my neck to fetch sticks, but I like to keep my paws touching the bottom. Now, when we go to the water in the evenings, it is very exciting because it is going dark a bit earlier and this means that RATS come out. I love rats.

Down by the water there are a lot of holes where rats live. I am a terrier and this means I like to 'terriorise' rats. When I get a whiff of rat I can't help myself; I put my nose in their holes where they live and blow really hard to see if they'll come out.  It's a good job I have a long nose, I can stick it in really deep. They don't usually come out but I am always watching and waiting. One day I'll get one........

Oh yes - Sarah says I have a new 'alter ego'. It is 'Tigger'. He has a long nose and he bounces. I cannot see any resemblance at all. Although sometimes, I do bounce.

Tigger:

Me (not bouncing):

Surprise - but not a good one

This week Sarah said I was getting a surprise. She said I was very lucky and it would be fun. All week, I wondered what it could be. Then yesterday, it came. I was very excited all day- I was waiting at the gate with my paws up on the fence looking to see what it was. A car came and parked outside, with a van on the back. I thought perhaps it was one of those ice-cream vans that come around with frozen treats for humans, and I wagged my tail, but it wasn't playing any music. Jack from across the road tried to tell the lady not to park outside his house (noone is allowed to park there) but Sarah told him it was OK, it was a special visitor for me. I was very puzzled - what was happening?

Next, a lady got out and came to the door. She asked Sarah if she could plug in her electricity. This was very strange. I wondered what was happening. THEN the lady took me out to the van and we got in the back and - horrors - I realised what the suprise was. IT WAS A BATH. I was so surprised I forgot to run away - before I knew it, it was too late. I was inside the bath with the door shut, and the water was running.

Sarah was standing outside the van looking at me, and pointing the camera. You can see the surprise on my face can't you? I was thinking: Could it really be possible that they were giving me a bath, in the street, in front of all the neighbours AND BODGER? I tried to go to my 'special place' in my mind, where there are plently of sausages and bones, so I could ignore what was going on, but it wasn't possible.

I got soaped and rinsed and conditioned. And the lady got out a big hoover and I blew air all over me so I went fluffy. Lastly, I got sprayed with COLOGNE. What is THAT?? I smelled like Syd. And I got my claws cut - this was really the final straw. Whilst I was having my claws cut the lady PUT A BAG ON MY NOSE.

A puppy from down the street came to investigate - I did some dog signals to say 'STAY AWAY, THEY'LL GET YOU NEXT!' but he came anyway. They didn't bath him though, he obviously had a nicer, kinder human than Sarah.

The only good bit was that the lady gave me a free bag of treats at the end of the ordeal. Worst bit was that I heard Sarah say she'd definitely get her to come back another day and do it again!! I'm going to make sure I'm OUT next time that lady comes.

Here is a clip to show you what they did - you can even hear Sarah's evil laughter. Feel free to send it on to anyone you think might like to come and arrest her for doing this to me.....

The Park

I love the park. Well, I like to RUN AWAY in the park! My tactic is: nose to ground, ears forward and just keep moving. Doesn't matter what they say, how loud they shout, I go into the 'zone' which I told you about, and I'm off.

I have fun tormenting the S's. We go to a park that has a steep cliff at the end, and I like to stand really really close to the edge, peering over as though I'm just about to jump. That gets the S's sweating and shouting. Very funny! Another thing I like to do is, when I see a baby or a small person like Tayla wobbling round (they can't walk properly those little people) I run up as fast as I can to them, and pretend I am not going to stop. That makes Sarah run really fast! Once I licked a baby's toes to see what they tasted like (not much).

I also like to drink out of the tap in the park. I wait with my tongue out until Sarah turns it on for me, and get cross if anyone else wants to drink from my tap.

The other thing I like to do is 'rumble'.  Rumbling means jumping on your friends and fighting with them, until they submit. Here is me rumbling with Shorty the labrador.

After I've had fun in the park, usually I refuse to go home. I like it in the park, there are great smells and things to find. Once I found a dried-out, flat rat (which I carried for ages because Sarah thought it was a stick) and a bird (which I ate, as Syd was too slow to get it off me.) And once I found a pile of clothes just lying there waiting to be taken, including a lady's BRA! Why would I want to go home when I can find things in the park all day? So I just lie on my side in the grass when it's time to leave; as though I might be dead, or having a sleep, and I go into the 'zone' again.

Oh yes and sometimes I just abandon the S's, and join another, more interesting family. They might have a dog that I want to play with. Or maybe they are just having a picnic that they'd like me to join. The best picnics have sausages. And once when I joined a picnic for a little girl's birthday - I put my face in her cake. She didn't see, but her mum did - I got told off for that.

Sometimes there are people lying in the grass, doing 'romancing'. I like to go and sit with those people too, and see what they're up to. I'm not fussy; I'll pretty much go with anyone, to avoid going home with the S's. Syd says I am 'a very embarassing dog'. I think he and Sarah are embarassing; standing there throwing balls, whilst I ignore them! Ha!

The best trick I played was when I ran away and went into the open air swimming pool. Dogs are not supposed to go in there. I didn't pay, I just ran straight through the turnstile, and did a little trot all round the edge of the pool, looking pleased with myself. Sarah couldn't even follow because she could not get through the turnstile so she just stood there looking cross and shouting 'Fozzie, come back here'. I did enjoy that. A man came along quite soon and said I had to go and Sarah said sorry to the man. (I didn't say sorry though because I wasn't.)

My Alter-egos

There are a few different Fozzies you know.

My latest alter-ego is the Wookie.  Sarah says I look more like one every day. She says I can do really good 'Wookie noises' as well.

Here is me (holding onto some peanut butter....you have to hold tight when THEY are always trying to take it away from you).

and here is a Wookie.....

I can't see any resemblance at all. That Wookie needs to get to the groomers. His name is Chewbacca. Maybe he chews stuff like I do?

My other names are:

Fozwald
Fozwoz
Fozmeister
The Fonz
Fuzzie (everyone seems to think that is my name, because Sarah has a funny accent and can't say FOzzie properly'
The Furbaby
Fozziebear
Fozzel
The Monster (that's only when I've maybe chewed on one of their things that they shouldn't have left lying around anyway.)

It's a long list isn't it? The funny thing is, I don't answer to any of those names, or even to Fozzie when we're in the park. I go into 'the zone' and act like I'm just a bit too busy to come right now, thank you very much. The S's get really cross when I don't come! I have a few nicknames of my own for the S's actually, but I'd better not write them here. They are a bit rude.

Anyway, this is me as the Fonz. I am wearing my 'Elvis' wig which I got for Christmas. I let Tayla try it on, and everyone said it suited her better than me.

I am also Fozzie the Superdog. Here I am in my cape. I am waiting until someone needs me to do a good deed, then I'll spring into action. That's what Superdogs do. This picture is for my special friend Jake Field who draws pictures of me doing 'Superdog deeds'. One day he's coming to Australia to meet me! I hope he comes soon, I've got lots of toys to show him. He can bring Maisy too. She might like Finn and Griff the lady dogs who live next door. You know, I think they look more like Wookies than moi....

By the way, Syd thinks I look 'more Count Dogula, than Superdog' in this cape. It is true, I am seen here sporting part of my Hallowe'en attire. My Superdog cape was in the wash. I still have my powers though.....

Six naughty months old

I got a surprise for my half birthday! Someone left me a special treat and a card in MY letterbox! I ate both the treat AND the card, they were delicious. I don't know who it was, but I'm certain it was not Bodger. It might have been Finn, or maybe Gracie......it is a mystery really. Anyway - thanks to whoever it was!

The S's didn't get me anything at all. Instead, they spent all weekend chasing me around trying to squeeze ointment into my EYES. I had been a bit overexcited on a walk and had stuck my whole face into some sand whilst digging a really good hole. I got sand in my eyes which scratched them and made them itchy and guess what happened next.......I HAD TO GO TO THE VETS!

My eyes are better now, but I really did not appreciate that ointment. I have learned to run very fast when I see the ointment coming, just like I do when I smell that flea stuff. The S's think they are being clever; they get the ointment when they think I am not looking (but I am always looking) then they hide it behind their backs, and try and sneak  up on me. I watch them from the corner of my eye, and when they get near -I RUN!

The best thing about the scratchy eyes was that I did not have to go to OBEDIENCE on Sunday. I like going to obedience because all my friends are there; Kay, Gracie, Ringo - and there are things to run and jump on, but I don't like DOING obedience. I don't even like the word.

My friend Oscar came round on Sunday for a BBQ. I am now BIGGER than he is. He can walk underneath me -he is a bit of a 'shortarse' actually (though I didn't say that to him of course). I let him have one of my pig's ears during his visit (I was not 'romancing' him, just being a good host). When I had finished my pig's ear, I went to see how he was getting on with his and he showed me his teeth! I was not trying to steal it from him, I was just looking at it. I don't know why he is so suspicious.

At home I have been destroying a lot of stuff. I am 'in disgrace'. I don't mind it. When I am 'in disgrace' I have to sit outside. It's good there, you get some peace and quiet and can sit on the back deck, contemplating life and scowling at Sarah through the window. Here is some of the damage I did!

My Valentine.......

Last week I learned about a new thing. It is called 'Romance'. 'Romance' is when you have to give someone you like a present. Syd told me all about it. He said you have to be careful not to forget to do 'Romance' at the right times, like birthdays and on a special day called Valentine's day.

I thought about this and wondered who I could do 'Romance' with. You remember my older lady friend, Finn, who is very hairy and lives next door? Well I decided I would try it with her. Not with her sister Griff (who is also hairy, but quite grumpy and who does not like me. DEFINTELY NO 'Romance' for her).

You have to do Valentine's romancing in secret so I left a present and a card in Finn's letter box when she was out with her humans being made to do jogging . I am glad my humans don't believe in doing jogging. It doesn't look fun at all. Actually, I did not really want to give her the present, because it was one of my special pig's ears, and after I had put it in the box, I thought may be it would be best if I just kept it for myself. Anyway Syd said that was not really romantic, and I should 'do the right thing' and give away the pig's ear (even though she's got a SACK of pigs ears at her house already, which I think is a bit greedy to be honest, since I only get a pig's ear once in a blue moon.....anyway Syd says that it is not gentlemanly to talk about how much  ladies eat. But really!  Maybe that's why she has to do jogging....mmmm?)

I think that Finn was impressed with my romancing. Next time she saw me I got a big kiss! And we played at squashing plants together, until I got taken home by the S's. They are no fun. Griff was very jealous and pulled a face at me. Not that you can really see what kind of face she's pulling under all that hair. But I could just sense she was pulling a face.

It is my 6 month birthday next week. Syd says that's not really a birthday, you have to wait till you're 1 year old before you get a real birthday. But that is ages away, so I am hoping someone will remember and maybe I'll get a present. I would like my pig's ear back. Or maybe a sausage?

Sewing and a Midnight ride......

I have been at the Vets TWO TIMES this week. The first time, I couldn't believe I was going there again. I had not hurt myself, or been in trouble but I was left there all day, and had things done to me AGAIN. I thought perhaps the vet was going to sort out my radical haircut but no, he was poking around with my leg.

I am not sure what he did because I fell asleep for a loooooong time, but when I woke up my leg was bald again and someone had been sewing in it. I know about sewing as I have seen Sarah trying sew a button onto some shorts. She was not very good and sewed the shorts onto the jeans she was wearing. I laughed at that. Anyway, my leg.....has now got sewing in it. It does not hurt though. I proved that by running around really fast when we got home. Sarah says I should NOT run fast but must rest. She says that the vet took out 2 pins that he had left in my leg! He must be as bad at sewing as Sarah is. So that is why I had to go to the vets for the first time this week.

What is good though, is that in 2 weeks, when the sewing gets taken out.....I CAN GO OFF THE LEASH AGAIN. I have made a list of all the things I will do in 2 weeks:

1. GO OFF THE LEASH
2. RUN as fast as I can wherever I am.
3. PLAY with everyone I see on my walks
4. GO TO SEE ALL MY FRIENDS!! I have not seen them for ages

5. Sarah says I will also go to obedience class. Mmmm. I don't know about that one.

Because the S's don't let me have fun any more (no off leash running, no jumping, bla bla) I have invented some new, fun things to do at home.

1. Menacing the green garden snake. I made a lot of holes in it with my teeth and now it sprays water everywhere like a shower!
2. Stealing things. I like to take Syd's stuff from where he leaves it on the table and take it out to my grassy area. That is where I stash my loot. Things I have taken so far include shoes, and cushions, and wallets...... I have to be really quick because if the S's see me, the loot gets 'confiscated'.

3. Getting angry at toys. Some of my toys make me really angry. I don't know why. I just get really cross and shake and shake them till they break. I have to lie down for a rest after I've been doing that.

4. Putting my face in the toilet. This makes Sarah very cross which is why I do it! She comes running to close the toilet lid when she sees me do that. I like to make her run!!

Anyway the second trip to the Vets was really weird. Last night, very late the S's started behaving even more strangely than usual. They must have lost something because they were looking under the sofa and the table, lifting up all the furniture and looking everywhere. I don't know what they had lost, but it must have been important. They looked at me quite a lot too.

The next thing that happened was that we all got in the car. This was very exciting because it was dark and it was bedtime and we never usually go in the car then. It was good going in the car, I was a bit tired but I looked out of the window at all the lights, and wondered if we were going on holidays again. Anyway it was a surprise when we arrived and we were at...... ANOTHER VETs! Not my usual one but a new one; the 'Emergency Vet clinic', it was called. .

When we got inside, a nice lady vet came to see me. She said 'he has trouble written all over him'. I don't know what she meant, anyway she took me away and took a photo of my tummy. She said she wanted to see what was in there. Then the S's came to look at the picture. They seemed quite happy to find there was nothing in my tummy, apart from some bits of food, oh yes and some gas. Sarah said it was not a surprise at all to hear I had gas in there.

So after that we all went home again and went to bed. Very strange.

This morning Sarah was looking for something again, and finally found the missing thing. It was something I had left on my grass. It was not interesting so I had not eaten it but just scratched it a bit with my teeth. This is what it was. A shiny thing that I had found it in Syd's wallet.

Now I think they thought I had eaten the shiny thing! I don't know why they would think that! It was not tasty like a sausage or a bone! Syd says I owe him $400 for last night's ride in the car, and that I have to get a paper round and a Saturday job until I've paid him back. I don't know what he is talking about.

Hey did you all see that Gracie was in a show? She looked very grown up, I hardly recognised her. I would like to go in a show too, but Sarah says the only show I should go in is the circus. I don't know what she means by that either. I am going to visit Kay, Ruby and Gracie and my brother Ringo on Sunday - I can't wait!

Human Behaviour

Here are some of my observations on my humans. I have been watching them for some time now and these are the things I have noticed.

1. Parties. When humans have had parties, they get up later the next morning. Sometimes I have to wait AGES for my breakfast the morning after a party. They are also in a bad mood and don't even say sorry for being late. I can guess how late they will get up by counting up how many empty bottles there are in the kitchen. Also their parties are boring. When my friends come round, we chase each other round the garden for hours, and have fun. When their friends come round, they just sit about talking. Boring.

2. Work. Humans don't like to go to work. On the days when they go to work, they are in a bad mood (even though they haven't had a party) and they rush about, ignoring me. I prefer them on days when they don't go to work. On those days they are happier and spend more time with me.

3. Bossing. Lady humans (Sarah) are bossy. They are always telling men humans (Syd) what to do. But the men humans don't often take any notice. Sometimes they pretend they are listening, but are really watching football. Most of the bossing is about 'doing exercise'.

4. Saturdays. Men humans like to go to 'Bunnings' on the days they don't go to work. Every Saturday Syd goes to 'Bunnings', and when he comes back Sarah says 'did you have a sausage'? I don't know what 'Bunnings' is but I wish I could go there and have a sausage.

Lady humans like to go to 'the spa' on Saturdays. I think that the spa is a bit like the groomers, but worse. I heard that they take your fur off with wax! I am NEVER going there. Sarah sometimes goes for a long time, but when she comes back she doesn't look any better. She might have had her hair smoothed out, or her claws painted red but that's the only difference. I think she is wasting her money.

6. Chores. Men humans are in charge of driving the car. Lady humans are in charge of the fridge. Neither men or ladies are in charge of cleaning the house. I have noticed that no-one wants to do that. They especially don't like getting out the vaccuum cleaner. I don't like that vacuum cleaner either. It is too noisy and once I saw it eating some of my biscuits which I was saving on the floor for later. When it comes out of the cupboard now I bark at it and I chase it round the house. Fortunately it rarely makes an appearance.

7. Clothes. Sarah likes clothes and going shopping to get more clothes. Syd is not interested in clothes at all. Sarah has a cupboard for her clothes which is twice as big as Syd's. AND she puts her clothes in his cupboard too. Poor Syd has to leave his clothes on the floor - and he gets in trouble for this. No wonder Syd doesn't like to go shopping for clothes if he doesn't have anywhere to put them. Sometimes I help him; when I find his clothes (especially socks) on the floor I pick them up and run away with them to bury them for him before Sarah can see them.

8. TV. Syd likes to watch football; even in the middle of the night. He gets in trouble for this too. Sarah likes to watch 'Sex and the City' even though she's seen all the episodes before. Syd doesn't mind though, because when she's watching 'Sex and the City' no-one is telling him what to do. He told me that 'Sex and the City' is a programme about ladies going shopping to buy more clothes, so of course Sarah would like it.

These are my observations so far. I will keep watching the S's, and let you know of any more funny behaviour that I notice. On the whole they are not too bad, just a little bit strange. I wonder if all humans are like this? I have heard that cats just move out when they get fed up with their humans, and go and live next door. I would not do this because Bodger (a CAT) lives next door on one side, and Griff (who does not like me) lives on the other. I think I will just stay here for the time being.

Here is the first official photo of my new haircut.

What do you think?

note: Syd says I should explain:

Bunnings = Hardware store (no women allowed).  Mmm, No women and sausages? I DEFINITELY want to go there.