Rrrrrrrrats!

Today was grrrrrreat! I caught my first rat! Sarah did not think it was great. She said it was 'gross Fozzie', in a very high and screechy voice that hurt my ears. A bit like that voice she uses when she says 'SYD THERE'S A COCKROACH IN HERE'. Women.

Anyway here's how I got the RAT! I was snuffling round in the bushes where I normally find baguettes. I am not supposed to go in there. Or eat baguettes. Anyway Sarah came to find me, and I turned round to look at her........ and I had a rat in my mouth! There are a lot of rat holes in those bushes and I like to put my long nose in them. I knew I'd get lucky one day. She made a big scream, and I was so startled that I dropped the rat on the floor. Then Sarah did another scream because.....the rat was not dead! He started to wander off. This made Sarah run quite fast. It was very funny. I got put on my lead then, and we had to go home. I was in a sort of daze all the way home thinking about that rat. I had to wash out my mouth when we got home. Sarah made me have a big drink of my water until all the rat taste had gone. And then I went to sleep and had rat dreams. Brilliant. I wonder if he'll still be there tonight.....? I have a feeling we might not be going to that park tonight though.

I have referred Sarah to Wikipedia....on there it says all about rats and why we Airedale terriers like to catch them. She needs to be educated that it is OK to let Fozzie catch rats. It's in my genes to catch rats! Have a look..........

''During the middle of the nineteenth century, regular sporting events took place along the Aire River in which terriers pursued the large river rats that inhabited the area. A terrier was judged on its ability to locate a "live" hole in the riverbank and then, after the rat was driven from its hole by a ferret brought along for that purpose, the terrier would pursue the rat through water until it could make a kill. As these events became more popular, demand arose for a terrier that could excel in this activity. One such terrier was developed through judicious crossings of the Black-and-Tan Terrier and Bull and Terrier dogs popular at the time with the Otter Hound. The result was a long-legged fellow that would soon develop into the dog we recognize today as the Airedale Terrier. This character was too big to "go to ground" in the manner of the smaller working terriers; however, it was good at everything else expected of a sporting terrier, and it was particularly adept at water work. This big terrier had other talents in addition to its skill as a ratter......''

Yesterday I hung out with Syd all day. It was great. We had 'man time' and we went mooching. Mooching is when you walk around and sniff things. You stay on your lead and go past the shops, and there are a lot of people who stop and rub you. You put your nose in their shopping, especially if they've got food and you have a good sniff. And you try and trip people up by weaving in around their legs. Syd talks to a lot of people because they ask about me and what kind of dog I am and how old I am. I am a cool dog of course - and I am nearly one.  Oh yes, and then Syd has a burger, which I must not tell Sarah about. Anyway, we had fun all day but then it was spoiled of course as Sarah came home. We went to get her from the ferry. Whilst we were waiting, I heard someone say that dogs must not go on the ferry and secretly I was glad as it looked a bit wobbly on there. Mind you, if I did want to go on the ferry I would just go. Noone could stop me. We didn't go though yesterday, we got Sarah and I jumped on her white jacket with my dirty paws! You have to take your fun where you can get it. Then we went home and she made roast dinner and even though I was really tired I managed to keep my eyes open long enough to have some.

Off now for another snooze and more rat dreams. In my dreams, rats are always villains (like the Sherriff of Nottingham), and dogs (me) are always heros (like Robin Hood).  Except I don't wear tights.

Patience and Pigs Ears

I have been learning about patience. I am getting quite good at it.

I have to do patience when we go to the cafe to get coffee. I have to wait outside whilst Sarah goes in and I must not bark or try to move. I have to sit very still until she comes back. Mostly I am good at this, but sometimes people come and try and rub me and I don't like that. I don't think that people should just come up and rub you for no reason. I don't go and rub them. I am usually just minding my own business, looking at pigeons and waiting, and an old lady or a small person will come and mess with my hair. If Sarah sees them she comes out of the cafe to make sure they are not stealing me. Clayton the Groodle lives at the cafe. He is MASSIVE, I think he's the biggest dog I know. He probably gets lots of snacks living in a cafe. He is a little bit scary..

I also have to do patience when we go to the bakery. I don't mind doing it then because usually I am about to get my own new, fresh bread roll. I can do patience really well then. Sometimes I get congratulated by passers by who say that I am very obedient. The girl at the bakery said I was a 'cool dog'. Yes I am a cool dog.

I use my patience most when the S's go out to work. I don't like it if they both go out for a long time. Sometimes only Syd goes and Sarah stays at home to do work, but when they both go, I have to be patient for hours. I get bored and so I go to sleep mostly, and when I wake up they are home again. I have a special dance I do when they come home. It involves spinning around in both directions. It's a bit like my pigs ear dance. Have a look.......

Talking of pigs ears, Oscar came round once and the S's actually gave him one of MY pigs ears. I could not believe it. He just casually ate it as though it was quite normal to go to someone's house and help yourself to their snacks. What a cheek! AND he growled at me when I went a little bit close to look at him, and see if maybe he was going to save me some. I am going on holidays with Oscar soon for a weekend - he had better not do that again - I am bigger than him now! We are going away because one of his humans, Jan, is going to be 40 (old). So this means we have to go and drink a lot of wine somewhere. Anyway, just look at this for bad behaviour.......spaniels are not supposed to growl are they?

I told his humans, the J's, how naughty he'd been, it was my duty really. Oscar got his comeuppance thought when he got home and he had diarrhoea from the pigs ear. That taught him. Ha! (I didn't know what comeuppance was so I looked it up and it said it was 'just desert', but Sarah said it is something dogs get if they are naughty and do a bad thing bla bla.)

I think it's also my duty to tell everyone that Sarah has been eating cake all week. She thinks noone knows, but I have been watching. She says it's ok to eat cake when it's cold as it give you energy,and she says I can't have any because it's got chocolate in it. Well, why is it not OK for me to get double pigs ears then? I am cold too! She sits around eating cake and I just get to wear a jumper. How is that fair?? If comeuppance is a desert then she's already had hers. Kay is going to tell her how to make a liver cake for my birthday - and Sarah won't be getting one single little piece. Not a crumb. I will let Syd have some though. I wish Syd would stay home more and Sarah would go to work...... Syd and I are going to the Airedale fun day on Sunday to play soccer. I can't wait!

Cold.....

Brrrrrr today it was 2 degrees! That is VERY cold in Australian temperatures. I have been wearing my jumper all day - even to the park. Sarah is wearing 2 pairs of trousers, 3 jumpers, a scarf and ugg boots - and that's just in the house. She says houses are unacceptably cold here in Australia - there is no heating. It's true, it is warmer on the porch in the sun, than in the house. That is where I've been spending time. If I hang out on the porch long enough, sometimes Gordon next door gives me a pigs ear!

We have exciting news. We are going to be spending more time in the country. I have been told that I am getting my own wombat and maybe a kangaroo to play with. We went to the country a couple of months ago (when it was warm) and I had the best time. Well we're going to be going a lot more now and I will have a very big garden to play in. I think this will be very good. Here are some photos of where I will be spending my weekends. I am going to invite my friends to come and play with me. They had better bring their jumpers though, as it's even colder there. (ps that is not the actual house on the right, it's just a shed where Syd says he will sit to get away from Sarah, and maybe drink beer). This is the house, and my new garden!

Football is still happening but there are now no teams to follow. England went out 'in disgrace' apparently. Sarah was cross about that. I know about being 'in disgrace'. It is not a good place to be. We had a good, new thing though for the football - we had red and white balloons round the house - until last Sunday. I had not seen balloons before and at first I was scared of them, but then I got brave and chased them, and I was allowed to burst them all with my teeth after England lost. That was good fun. It will be my 1st birthday soon. I have asked for a lot of balloons and a cake all to myself. I noticed that everyone gets cake when they have a party, but they never give me any. I think I will invite my friends for a picnic and a rumble, and some cake, and to help me burst my balloons. This is me about to kill a balloon.....

Sarah has become an Australian citizen now. This means that she got a certificate, and went to the pub (that's what you have to do if you're an Australian), then came home with a furry kangaroo which Syd bought her (not a real one) and put it on the mantelpiece. I have been eyeing it and am waiting patiently for it to fall off so I can rip it up. In Australia now we've got a new prime minister who has ginger hair and is a lady (Sarah thinks this is good). I am not surprised by this - ladies are much more bossy than men so they probably know best about being prime minister and telling people (especially men) what to do all day. I didn't know that they let people with ginger hair be prime minister though. Mmmmm, maybe one day.......

World Cup Winter

Gosh I have been so busy I have not had time to write for a while. I don't know what I have been busy doing....I think mostly I've been sleeping. I seem to be quite tired now that it's always dark. And I have yet another new bed to sleep on so I have to divide up my days making sure I get a sleep on each of the beds (I don't want to wear one out).

Because it's winter apparently it is acceptable for the S's to make me wear a jumper. I would not have needed the jumper if they had left my fur alone, but for some reason they thought it was also acceptable for me to get a hair cut just as the temperature dropped 10 degrees. I quite like my jumper anyway, it is quite manly, not like some of the other things I have seen dogs being made to wear down at the park. Gordon got it for me. Thanks Gordon.

Sarah says she doesn't know what I am moaning about and if I lived in England like most of the other Airedales, it would be colder than this even in summer.

Syd doesn't speak much these days because it is 'The World Cup'. Now this could be another reason why I am a little bit tired. Syd and I have to stay up ALL NIGHT MOST NIGHTS watching 'The World Cup' on television. It is exhausting. It's very exhausting because we have to support 3 teams; Greece, England and Australia - even though all those teams are rubbish!! We are always changing our shirts depending on who is playing. Syd won't wear the England shirt though. I don't know why we don't support Brazil, I like them better. Or perhaps New Zealand because they are doing well- better than Australia actually (but I am not supposed to mention that).

It was quite good because Sarah went away when 'The World Cup' started and it meant Syd and I could just live on the sofa, and not eat vegetables, and not tidy the house. We had to do a lot of tidying just before she came back, Syd was in a panic actually and was hoovering up all our pizza crumbs and furballs. And he bought some vegetables to put them in the fridge (just for show.) But he forgot to throw away the old dead flowers in the vase that Sarah told him to throw away the day she left! Oops. Sometimes us men can't get anything right.....

I got a present from England anyway when she came back - a new dog toy, which was good and lasted me a whole day before I destroyed it. I can usually get through a new toy in 24 hours. Sarah says if anyone has a suggestion for indestructible toys please let her know. She also says thanks for the advice from you all about the bread......now what she does is she takes me my own breadroll from home to try and stop me eating the mouldy bread. I like bread better than anything, even cheese or sausage. I don't know why - I just do. It doesn't stop me eating the mouldy bread though, it just means now I get double bread!! Don't tell her!!

Bread

There is a new and good thing now at my park. Somebody (his name is 'idiot' according to Syd) leaves a lot of mouldy bread rolls on the grass every morning. I like to go and eat them as soon as I get to the park now, before any one else can get them. They are a bit stale and hard but I don't care about that. On Wednesday I ate SIX before Sarah caught me. I say 'caught' because whilst I was eating them, she was chasing me. I was onto her though. Each time she got a little bit near, I waited a second, so she thought she could get me, then I ran away. It was a really good game!  On Thursday I had about 5 before Syd caught me. I felt a bit sick when I got home, maybe it was a bit too much. I have a cough now because the bread was quite hard and it scratched my throat. Syd said I was eating it so fast perhaps I inhaled some. He threw a lot of it into the water for the fish, so I could not get it, but I was full by then so I didn't care. Ha!

Anyway, the S's don't like me eating the mouldy bread. They tell me off and say we can't go to that park any more we have to find another one. They say that rats have been eating the bread because it's hollow in the middle. Fancy that! Now I know that rats like the bread I am even more interested in it. As well as bread, rats are my passion. I would love to get one. I have chased a couple and seen two dead ones. I don't know what I would do if I actually caught one. I think I would bring it home to be my friend. I am sure Sarah would like a rat to live in the house with us. I would not share my pigs ears with it though.

This is me saying Pleeeeeeese give me some bread. Or a pig's ear. Or a sausage. Or even some toilet paper?

It is autumn time now, and I like it. Firstly because I am not nearly so hot in my fur as I was in summer. There are a lot of leaves blowing around to chase which is another good game. I have learnt that in Australia we are very special and we have autumn when noone else is having it. A bit like the Queen's birthday. Interesting. Also we have roast dinners instead of salad. Roast dinners smell MUCH better than salad, and sometimes the S's let me have some. Here is me and here is Oscar (before someone stole all his fur) being LOCKED OUT when everyone else was inside eating roast dinner. Can you believe it??

Today I am going to 'obedience' again. I have not been for a while. I hope Gracie and Ringo are there! Sarah thinks I go to learn things but I just go to see them, and sniff all the other dogs (and to eat sausage of course).

Out of bounds......

There are quite a few places where I am 'not allowed to go'.


First there is 'upstairs'. Ever since I hurt my leg I am not supposed to go there. But I do.

Then there is 'the sofa'.  I must not go on there at all, as it is forbidden. It is doubly forbidden to climb up the sofa and sit on the back of it. The sofa is brown, like my bed so you can understand how I might get confused and end up there when I am a little bit tired.  The sofa is soft and comfy, and if it's nighttime and the S's are not sitting on there, I sometimes give it a little try. 

Also there is 'the big brown chair'. This is my favourite because it is 1. upstairs, and 2. brown and comfy and soft.  Guess what - I am not allowed on here either. Here is me, contemplating the fact that I shouldn't sit on the big brown chair.

Finally there is 'Syd and Sarah's bed'. I am definitely never allowed on there....... as you can see. The best way to get on there is to wait till the the weekends. The S's don't get up at the proper time on these days so I do my crying noise from 6 am (proper getting up time) and after I have been through my whole repertoire of sad-sounding noises, they feel guilty and sometimes let me upstairs (just so they can be lazy and NOT get up).

If they do, then I take advantage of that moment of weakness and I am ON THAT BED quicker than you can say 'No Fozzie'. Once I am on there, I don't get off. I sit on them, I chew parts of them that are sticking out of the bed (usually arms) and I eat their books or any other rubbish I might find there. Sometimes I just put my paws on their faces whilst they are snoozing. This wakes them up very quickly, as my paws are very scratchy.

Isn't it strange that all things I am not allowed to sit on are brown? It is very confusing, because my night time bed is brown, and so is my day bed (I need a lot of sleep) and I AM allowed on both of these things, in fact I am positively encouraged to sit on them.  Sometimes when the S's see me in the wrong place, they get a bit cross. Especially if I've just had a big drink of my water before I get on, and my beard is a bit wet and drippy. Although, at other times, they say, 'ahhhh look at Fozzie', and they let me stay. They are very inconsistent - also confusing for a dog. I try my hardest to look fast asleep when I'm in these 'out of bounds' areas and quite often I get away with it!







One more place is 'in the front seat of the car. I must not go there, so I usually stay in the back. Unless I feel like going in the front of course.

Everywhere else I can go. Except for 'in plant pots'. That is not allowed. Actually there are no plants left in any of the plant pots now, so I don't know why I can't go in there.....

Skyping

This weekend I have been doing 'skyping'. Skyping is when you sit on the bed (you are allowed) and you look at the computer, and people from England look at you. You look at them and they look at you, and they talk a bit and wave. It is a bit boring, but the S's like it.  Syd likes it a lot because it is free.

The people they look at are some very important older people called Pat and Bruce. I think they look quite nice - actually they look like the sort of people who might give you a lot of treats for not doing very much (especially Pat). I am hoping they come to see my one day - I think they should because they are always moaning about the weather in England. Anyway, when we do 'skyping' I try hard to look like I am interested in their new conservatory (what is that anyway?), but I am not really, and often I nod off for a bit as it is quite late. This is Bruce last time he came to Australia.....I think he looks like good fun.....he has chicken legs a bit like me though. Sometimes he is wearing pyjamas when we do skyping and sometimes we are wearing our pyjamas. It seems to me they are a bit 'upside down' over there, always doing things at the wrong time.

 

And here is Pat with Sarah - Syd says ' this is where she gets it from'.
 

I have to go now because it is bed time, and actually I have been a little bit naughty today. Well, I have been a little bit naughty every day this week and I have to go and 'think about what I did'. I am practicing 'looking remorseful'. It is hard. My face doesn't want to look sorry. Anyway, I will tell you about it another time. Mmmmmm,  I might have a little nightcap before I go to bed. Good night.

Easter holidays

We had a new holiday recently - it was called Easter. I don't really understand this holiday. It is all about chocolate, but neither Syd or I are allowed to have any chocolate so I don't see the point of it. I am not allowed because 'it is bad for dogs'. And Syd is not allowed chocolate because..... Sarah says so. That's not a good reason is it?  Syd does have chocolate though and he tells Sarah to shut up about it, which I think is good! SHE had chocolate (and wine, as usual).

Anyway, I think that Easter is quite a rubbish holiday. Syd said there would be rabbits but there were NO RABBITS. Christmas was much better. Soon there will be some more holidays coming up like Anzac day. This is a special holiday in Australia to do with biscuits so that sounds a bit better. (Although this biscuit looks like one that Sarah might have made.....).

Then there is the Queen's birthday. Even though there is no Queen here, in Australia we have a special party for her. That's nice of us isn't it? I hope the Queen enjoys this year's party more than last year's.....

Anyway, all holidays in Australia = barbeques which = sausages which = good.

My most interesting news, apart from holidays, is that I am learning to swim. I did a lot of learning to swim at Easter. To learn to swim I have to go paddling quite often in the harbour. I love it in the harbour. It STINKS!  Especially on hot days. It smells really bad! There are dead fish floating around and old bits of rubbish, and also other dogs doing swimming. I have not done swimming properly yet; apart from once when Syd pushed me in too far. I had no choice then  - I had to do swimming with my head under water  and my eyes shut, and after I got out I did not speak to Syd for a long time. Sarah did not speak to him either.

I am thinking about doing swimming. Each time I go in just a little bit deeper. I go right up to my neck to fetch sticks, but I like to keep my paws touching the bottom. Now, when we go to the water in the evenings, it is very exciting because it is going dark a bit earlier and this means that RATS come out. I love rats.

Down by the water there are a lot of holes where rats live. I am a terrier and this means I like to 'terriorise' rats. When I get a whiff of rat I can't help myself; I put my nose in their holes where they live and blow really hard to see if they'll come out.  It's a good job I have a long nose, I can stick it in really deep. They don't usually come out but I am always watching and waiting. One day I'll get one........

Oh yes - Sarah says I have a new 'alter ego'. It is 'Tigger'. He has a long nose and he bounces. I cannot see any resemblance at all. Although sometimes, I do bounce.

Tigger:

Me (not bouncing):

Surprise - but not a good one

This week Sarah said I was getting a surprise. She said I was very lucky and it would be fun. All week, I wondered what it could be. Then yesterday, it came. I was very excited all day- I was waiting at the gate with my paws up on the fence looking to see what it was. A car came and parked outside, with a van on the back. I thought perhaps it was one of those ice-cream vans that come around with frozen treats for humans, and I wagged my tail, but it wasn't playing any music. Jack from across the road tried to tell the lady not to park outside his house (noone is allowed to park there) but Sarah told him it was OK, it was a special visitor for me. I was very puzzled - what was happening?

Next, a lady got out and came to the door. She asked Sarah if she could plug in her electricity. This was very strange. I wondered what was happening. THEN the lady took me out to the van and we got in the back and - horrors - I realised what the suprise was. IT WAS A BATH. I was so surprised I forgot to run away - before I knew it, it was too late. I was inside the bath with the door shut, and the water was running.

Sarah was standing outside the van looking at me, and pointing the camera. You can see the surprise on my face can't you? I was thinking: Could it really be possible that they were giving me a bath, in the street, in front of all the neighbours AND BODGER? I tried to go to my 'special place' in my mind, where there are plently of sausages and bones, so I could ignore what was going on, but it wasn't possible.

I got soaped and rinsed and conditioned. And the lady got out a big hoover and I blew air all over me so I went fluffy. Lastly, I got sprayed with COLOGNE. What is THAT?? I smelled like Syd. And I got my claws cut - this was really the final straw. Whilst I was having my claws cut the lady PUT A BAG ON MY NOSE.

A puppy from down the street came to investigate - I did some dog signals to say 'STAY AWAY, THEY'LL GET YOU NEXT!' but he came anyway. They didn't bath him though, he obviously had a nicer, kinder human than Sarah.

The only good bit was that the lady gave me a free bag of treats at the end of the ordeal. Worst bit was that I heard Sarah say she'd definitely get her to come back another day and do it again!! I'm going to make sure I'm OUT next time that lady comes.

Here is a clip to show you what they did - you can even hear Sarah's evil laughter. Feel free to send it on to anyone you think might like to come and arrest her for doing this to me.....

The Park

I love the park. Well, I like to RUN AWAY in the park! My tactic is: nose to ground, ears forward and just keep moving. Doesn't matter what they say, how loud they shout, I go into the 'zone' which I told you about, and I'm off.

I have fun tormenting the S's. We go to a park that has a steep cliff at the end, and I like to stand really really close to the edge, peering over as though I'm just about to jump. That gets the S's sweating and shouting. Very funny! Another thing I like to do is, when I see a baby or a small person like Tayla wobbling round (they can't walk properly those little people) I run up as fast as I can to them, and pretend I am not going to stop. That makes Sarah run really fast! Once I licked a baby's toes to see what they tasted like (not much).

I also like to drink out of the tap in the park. I wait with my tongue out until Sarah turns it on for me, and get cross if anyone else wants to drink from my tap.

The other thing I like to do is 'rumble'.  Rumbling means jumping on your friends and fighting with them, until they submit. Here is me rumbling with Shorty the labrador.

After I've had fun in the park, usually I refuse to go home. I like it in the park, there are great smells and things to find. Once I found a dried-out, flat rat (which I carried for ages because Sarah thought it was a stick) and a bird (which I ate, as Syd was too slow to get it off me.) And once I found a pile of clothes just lying there waiting to be taken, including a lady's BRA! Why would I want to go home when I can find things in the park all day? So I just lie on my side in the grass when it's time to leave; as though I might be dead, or having a sleep, and I go into the 'zone' again.

Oh yes and sometimes I just abandon the S's, and join another, more interesting family. They might have a dog that I want to play with. Or maybe they are just having a picnic that they'd like me to join. The best picnics have sausages. And once when I joined a picnic for a little girl's birthday - I put my face in her cake. She didn't see, but her mum did - I got told off for that.

Sometimes there are people lying in the grass, doing 'romancing'. I like to go and sit with those people too, and see what they're up to. I'm not fussy; I'll pretty much go with anyone, to avoid going home with the S's. Syd says I am 'a very embarassing dog'. I think he and Sarah are embarassing; standing there throwing balls, whilst I ignore them! Ha!

The best trick I played was when I ran away and went into the open air swimming pool. Dogs are not supposed to go in there. I didn't pay, I just ran straight through the turnstile, and did a little trot all round the edge of the pool, looking pleased with myself. Sarah couldn't even follow because she could not get through the turnstile so she just stood there looking cross and shouting 'Fozzie, come back here'. I did enjoy that. A man came along quite soon and said I had to go and Sarah said sorry to the man. (I didn't say sorry though because I wasn't.)